Only a Dumbshit Doesn't Know the Answers

Somehow, this dumbshit I know got onto the topic of age old questions to which there isn't a correct answer. Perhaps if you're as big a dumbshit as he is, but, as a thinking person, these questions don't perplex me. Here are the answers so you don't have to be a dumbshit like most of the people I know.

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make sound?

No.

For those of you who can't figure out why, here's the reason, presuming you're smart enough to read: sounds are only sounds if they can be heard. Until they are picked up by a listening device, like a fucking ear, it is merely a wave. It also won't make sound with a person there, if the person is deaf.

Now some of you dumbshits are saying that you could put a tape recorder out there and record the sound, which, of course, you can't, unless you use a listening device (remember the ear, you dumbshit) like an input microphone. Without the listening device, the sound waves pass right over the tape recorder like logic does to most of you stupid fuckers.

For some reason, though, the dumbshit who was arguing with me brought up the animals. Okay, it makes sound to the animals that are close enough to pick up the sound waves - except to the deaf ones. Good fucking luck trying to get them to confirm it though, asshole!

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg.

So, where did the egg come from? It came from the mother of whatever two different kinds of birds fucked that ended up making a chicken.

Before you go accusing me of blasphemy, you should probably know that I believe in God, and that He puts us here for purposes. Part of my purpose, for example, is to explain things to you fucking idiots. Despite my belief in God, I'm not such a fucking dipshit that I don't acknowledge natural selection, evolution, and hybridization. It doesn't take a fucking scientist to know that people are taller today than they have been in the past because tall people are fucking whores.

Back to the egg. Dinosaurs came from eggs. Birds are descendants of dinosaurs. Chickens are birds. The egg came first.

I may take some time later to answer other questions for you dumbshits, but I'm afraid your fucking heads are already going to explode from getting more education in this short article than you did in all of fucking high school.

That's my take.